Do you ever feel guilty to relax? Years ago, I lied to my mother in law while she was looking after my infant daughter because I felt guilty to treat myself to go to yoga class. Guilt also made me slither out of the office making sure no one could see me leaving early.
If you’re on a quest to find true work-life balance it’s necessary to recognise how much the hustle mentality influences your daily decisions. The hustle mentality - the pervasive and glorified idea that in order to be “successful”, you have to chase for relentless productivity, the constant pursuit of goals, and the belief that your worth is tied to your output - is so ingrained into our modern culture that it does impact all of us.
While this mindset can motivate you to achieve your goals, it also has a darker side: it can make you feel guilty to relax. In the long run, this guilt can be detrimental to your mental, emotional, and sometimes even physical health.
The Origins of the Hustle Mentality
The hustle culture is deeply rooted in the ethos of modern capitalism and the digital age. The idea that hard work and perseverance lead to success has been a long-standing narrative in many societies. However, the modern incarnation of this belief has been amplified by technological advancements and social media, creating a culture where overworking is not only encouraged but expected.
1)Historical Context: The Protestant work ethic, which emphasised hard work and frugality as a means to achieve both economic success and moral salvation, laid the groundwork for the hustle mentality. Over time, this ethic has evolved, but the core idea remains: success is a result of relentless effort and sacrifice.
2) Technological Advances: With the advent of smartphones and the internet, work has become omnipresent. The ability to be constantly connected means that the boundaries between work and personal life have blurred significantly. The expectation to be available and productive at all times has become the norm. As a result, taking time off is often viewed as a sign of laziness.
3) Social Media Influence: Platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn are rife with success stories, awards and motivational quotes that often glamorise overwork. This creates an unrealistic standard for what it means to be successful, leading you to believe that you must also be constantly hustling to keep up.
Guilty to Relax
One of the most insidious effects of the hustle mentality is feeling guilty to relax. Taking a break can feel like an indulgence rather than a necessity. This guilt stems from the belief that any moment not spent working is a moment wasted.
The internalised pressures to always be productive manifests as a nagging voice that questions your right to relax. "You should be working," it whispers. "Others are out there grinding harder than you”. “If you don’t work hard enough, you won’t get that promotion”.
In other situations, the hustle mentality is making you believe that your self-worth equates with your productivity levels. If you aren't constantly busy or achieving, you may feel you’re not valuable or successful. This mindset makes it difficult to embrace rest without a sense of failure.
The relationship between rest & productivity is a complex ground and it doesn’t only depend on blindly embracing the hustle mentality, but it also depends on your upbringing and how rest was modelled to you as a child.
Ignoring the need for self-care due to guilt can have severe repercussions on your wellbeing including chronic fatigue, irritability, loss of joy and aliveness, strained relationships, anxiety, depression and burnout just to name a few.
5 Strategies to Prioritise Yourself (Guilt-free!)
Shifting away from the hustle mentality requires a conscious effort to redefine success and productivity. Here are some strategies to help alleviate the guilt associated with taking time for yourself:
1)Redefine Success: Success should not solely be measured by productivity and achievements. Incorporate well-being, happiness, and personal fulfilment into your definition of success. Consider what truly makes you happy and fulfilled, and make those elements a priority in your life.
Try this 10min Somatic Practice For Self-Regulation And Emotional Balance to connect to your body and what’s important to you
2) Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries between work and personal time and stick to them. Allocate specific periods for rest and fun. Setting up this structure helps you preventing work from encroaching on your personal time. Communicate these boundaries to colleagues and managers to set expectations and ensure that your personal time is respected - i.e. I won’t look at work emails during the weekend.
3) Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. If you choose to take a break and you notice you feel guilty to relax, acknowledge the guilt and ask yourself “what is this guilt trying to take care of?”. You can journal about it or pretend you’re talking to the guilt like you would talk to a good friend. Emotions want to be felt and acknowledged before they can be released. Give yourself the time and space to experience your emotions with a great dose of self-compassion.
Practise this 3min Grounding Meditation to centre yourself and to connect to any feelings and emotions arising in your body when you choose to take a break.
4) Work with a Mind-body Coach: Look for a somatic practitioner or a coach who embodies a balanced approach to work & life. They can support you in deconstructing your beliefs about rest by connecting to the stories which are held into your tissues (yes, your tissues hold stories from your past experiences which haven’t been acknowledged and completed).
Surrounding yourself with individuals who value rest and well-being can also support and encourage you in your efforts to prioritise yourself.
Book your FREE 45 min call with me to learn more about mind-body coaching and have a direct experience of what this coaching methodology is about.
5) Celebrate Yourself: Create a small ritual for yourself (i.e. dance, lit a candle) whenever you choose to engage in activities that rejuvenate you and bring you joy. Acknowledge the benefits of taking time off and recognise that rest is a vital component of a successful and fulfilling life. You got this!
Conclusion
The hustle mentality, while often motivating, can trap you in a cycle of guilt and self-neglect. It’s crucial to recognise that taking time for yourself is not only permissible but essential for long-term success and health. By redefining success, setting boundaries, practising self-compassion, working with a mind-body coach you can break free from feeling guilty to relax and create a more sustainable approach to productivity and well-being.
It’s time to shift the narrative and recognise that true success encompasses both doing and the ability to rest and recharge.
Thanks for reading until the end.
I invite you to join me for the last event before the Summer break. REVIVE is an half-day retreat which blends Qigong, Breathwork and a relaxing Sound Bath to recharge you with new found vitality and aliveness.
When: 27th JULY, 10am-2pm
Where: Hammersmith Quakers Meeting House
Price: £75
Includes light snacks, herbal teas and a gorgeous Neil’s Yard gift. I hope to see you there!
With love & gratitude,
Consuelo
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